One of the more entertaining aspects of working in a record store is dealing with scalpers. Scalpers think they are very clever, and that by disguising their voice, we will never know that they are scalpers. We have one scalper who phones regularly, and always tries to disguise his voice by pretending to be Darth Vader. Needless to say, any show they ask for is always “sold out, sorry” – click.
Scalpers, like all humans, are very predictable, and all behave in the same manner. Common Scalper traits include, but are not limited to:
A: Referring to tickets as “pieces”, ie: “Yoo got enne pieces for Richard Ashcroft?”.
B: Completely unable to pronounce complex band names, such as Jamiroquai (Jam-err-awk-wee).
C: Always ask for six tickets (pieces). Never five, never two, but always six (6).
D: Always adorned in brightly coloured sports clothing, usually replete with Toronto Maple Leaf logos. More accurate imagery can be seen by watching any episode of The Sopranos.
E: Enter store. Skulk around bins looking very lost. Approach counter casually, and then as an aside, ask if we have any tickets for “A Purple Circle”.
F: “They’re for my kids. I got six kids. Can I get six pieces?”.
G: “Do you guys know where Sugar Ross is playing?”
More scalper tales to come. Stay tuned!